just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
