Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
