I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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