I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
