dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
