did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
