Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
