fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
