I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
