My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
