Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My vagina is very pro this idea
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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