omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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