just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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