it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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