so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
