i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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