erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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