So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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