doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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