im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
