i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
