I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Someone shattered a urinal.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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