I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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