loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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