look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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