i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
