the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We just shotgunned beers for America
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
