I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
