We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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