I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will pee on everything he values.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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