Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
