New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
