Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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