i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You are a genius and a whore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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