hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
