God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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