I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize