can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
