I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
