Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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