you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The adults are the big ones right?
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