we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
