16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
