i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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