I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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