I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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