winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
