so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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