I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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