I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
