I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
