everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize