That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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