Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How does it feel to date your dad?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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