Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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