Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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