good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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