the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
