I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
