The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
