I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
