If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
