what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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