well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
