Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
